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how do i turn into to a sexy vampire like edward?

i watched twilight and saw how pretty and sparkly they were. now i just want to be one of them. i want to hunt in the woods with edward and have sleep overs and pillow fights and be best friends with alice. and i would kill bella cuz she is so stupid and would try to steal my man. i really wanna be a vampire and join the cullen clan. how can i do so? please lemme know. i don't wanna hear that vampires are fake cuz i met one last year and didn't know about Edward then so i couldn't ask him if he knew the Cullen clan. i wish i could have asked him because its all i want to do. i will drop outta school to join them and i will make pretty vampire babies with edward and the will glitter like sparkles

Here's he thing about vampires - they aren't actually vampires. In reality, they are an aquatic species from the planet Saturnyne. In their true form, they appear to have a mix of fish and crustacean-like traits. Though they can survive on land, they do need a lot of water to survive. If there is no source of water within proximity, they can drain moisture from other creatures. (The blood of a human will do in a pinch.) They are also highly sensitive to ultraviolet light, and therefore try to avoid direct sun exposure.

To blend in with humans, they use a perception filter. This tricks the brain into seeing a human-like creature, instead of a giant fish. However, this technology has some flaws. It cannot disguise reflections, so the brain ignores them altogether. Their fangs can also be seen when they feed, due to the human subconscious perceiving danger and attempting to alert the conscious mind in some way.

Saturnynians are capable of converting humans into Saturnynians by draining them of their blood and replacing it with Saturnynian blood. There is a fairly large population of these creatures in Venice, Italy, so I suggest you start your quest to become one there.

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